my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
