At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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