just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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