Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
