The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
