Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
