I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
