Midget sex pt 2 tonight
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she smelled like a LAN party
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
