Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
