My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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