dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
