Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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