So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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