i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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