Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
