So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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