hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
