you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Be still, my beating vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
