I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
