lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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