NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
