Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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