if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
