I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
