I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
