she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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