walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
