farters have to be the big spoon...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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