So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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