HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
