i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
