im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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