first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
