if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
