You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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