i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
