Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
