Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
