i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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