: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
