I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
