I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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