I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
