It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
