i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
