you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's always time for handjobs
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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