Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
