I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
