life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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