so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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