You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish i was in the wii world.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
