I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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