Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
false alarm, still single
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
