you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
