I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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