Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
