Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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