I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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