so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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