her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He felt like a one man threesome
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
where are you?
Hypothermia
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
