So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
