You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
