yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
