I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
