the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
