We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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