He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
