why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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