I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your topless pictures make me question reality
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
