The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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