a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also, beer. Big fan.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
