You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
