The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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