Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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