I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
