Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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