Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
