Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
did you just send me my own nude
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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