Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
